Forgive Yourself

 

 

Dear one, dear one,  you have only made a mistake.  Mistakes are part of the experience of being human on this planet.  A mistake does not mean there is something exclusively wrong with you.  It merely points to a moment in time when we were listening more to our lower self rather than our higher self.  In each moment in time, we get to choose our actions and words through the filter of love or the filter of fear.  A mistake is merely an indicator that (this time) we have chosen fear.

Many people float through life never recognizing or taking responsibility for their mistakes.  This behavior only serves the ego by keeping the person separated from transformation, growth and a new enlightened path forward.  Discovering and admitting our mistakes is actually a means to end our suffering.  Once we learn where we have detoured off path, we can correct our trajectory.  Without it, we would continue our patterned behavior which will continue our suffering.

The first and most important step after discovering our mistake(s) is to forgive ourselves.  Be willing to give yourself a full-ownership, heartfelt apology.  With this, we soothe our souls and teach ourselves that we are safe in our own care- that we are forgivable and lovable.  When we feel safe within our own care, we begin to trust our inner knowing and make better and better choices.

I remember when I finally humbled enough to admit to myself the truth about some past behavior of my own…  At first I felt awful and then… I felt joyful!  What I had been hiding from myself was the key to my spiritual evolution.   I remembered that I am human, fallible and forgivable and I gave myself a genuine apology.  Almost instantaneously, the heavy burden of my misstep was lifted from my shoulders.  I felt free!  Free to love myself.  Free to choose differently in the future.  And consequently, I felt motivated and empowered enough to go back through my “story” to locate other mistakes and release myself from the burden of them as well.

Dear one, we learn from our mistakes.  If we were perfect, there would be no reason for us to be here having this experience.  To beat ourselves up for a moment in time when we lost conscious contact with Who we are, is to create distress in our hearts.  It’s to perpetuate our lack of self-worth and to keep us rooted in conditioned behaviors and pain.

It is important to remember to be gentle and loving with ourselves on our path to self-worth and empowerment.  Give yourself the love your soul craves and remember...  it takes way more strength to admit where you’ve got wrong than to stubbornly refuse not to.

With Love,

Kristen Brown

What Is Self-love and How Do I Achieve It?

Currently, there seems to be a large mystery regarding what self-love is.  Most people try to compare the love feelings they have for others to the feelings they have about themselves and repeatedly come up short.  That is because self-love is mostly about “action” and not about gooey, warm feelings.  However, I’m not discounting that through appropriate action, you may very well begin to feel a loving, tenderness toward yourself. 

The “actions” associated with self-love are as follows:

Self-love is having compassion for oneself.  It’s about understanding the innocence behind our not-so-flattering behaviors and then being willing to forgive ourselves for making poor decisions for not having the confidence to act in a powerful way at that moment.

Self-love is about protection.  Not protection in the “armor our heart” kind of way, but in the way that we would protect those we love. It’s about being aware enough and confidence enough to refrain from putting ourselves in situation where we may receive bodily harm and/or emotional abuse.

Self-love is kindness.  It’s being as gentle with yourself as you are with the rest of the world.  It’s about honoring your soul on the same level that you honor your beloveds.  You are not different or deserving of any less treatment than anyone else in this world.  We are all created equal.

Self-love is standing up for yourself.  It’s about understanding your worth wholly and completely.  It is offering appropriate communication and boundaries when necessary to keep the “testers” in our lives in line.

Self-love is nourishing your soul with positive self-talk and actions.  It is about taking removing all demeaning, judgmental and harsh language we speak to self and replacing them with loving, supportive statements.  With this, we fill our own cup and when we fill our own cup we stop seeking outside ourselves in hopes that another will fill it for us. 

Self-love is personal dignity and respect.  When we honor and respect ourselves, others in turn will honor and respect us.  The respect and honor we give to self, is in direct proportion to the permission we give others how to treat us.

Self-love is learning to tap into the courage that has been lying in wait for far too long!  Courage that has the capacity to move us into our best life ever!  Courage we muster up when we know that our best life waits on the other side of our greatest fears and to achieve this, we must go get it!

Self-love has a remarkable way of making us more attractive to others.  It gives us license to personify our souls which gives others the opportunity to see us as we truly are.  Our authenticity in turn helps to build trust, confidence and intimate relationships. With self-love, our life begins to fall into place.  We suffer less.  We are more joyful and passionate. We respond to people from a higher vibrational energy.  Our egos deflate and we become better lovers, mothers, friends, siblings and co-workers. 

Choosing self-love is about finally saying ENOUGH to our doormat tendencies of yesterday and saying YES to a wonderful new life brimming with delicious new opportunities and amazing new people! 

Self-love is the Great Miracle Cure!

From Doormat to Sweet Empowerment

Hello All!  Here is the introduction to my book.  It is in the publishing process and should be ready to print in just a few weeks!  Yipppee!
~Kristen Brown

Introduction

 

My Dearest Readers,

After I experienced a deeply profound betrayal and upset in my life that started in August of 2009, I made the conscious, dedicated, directed decision to claim victory over my circumstance.  I set course to heal and not only did I heal, my entire life began to transform right before my eyes.  I learned how my false beliefs about myself and my past behavioral patterns were creating repeating, negative scenarios in my life.  I discovered that the only power we have is the power to change ourselves no matter what anyone has done or is doing to us.  I awakened to a higher consciousness, a deeper connection to Source and my soul’s calling.  I call this new awareness “awakening to self-worth.” 

Although I have always been a “seeker”, it was a distinct two year period of time that awakened me to the understanding of how we can claim our worth and personal power at any given time if we fully commit to do so.  Even though I continue to evolve every day, I call those specific two years “The College of Kristen” because not unlike academic college, they were a time of concentrated learning, struggle, fear, balance and evolution.   It’s important to know and understand that it does not have to take a major life crisis to break you open or redirect your path!  You can make that decision right here, right now!

I call From Doormat to Sweet Empowerment a spiritual guide, because I refer to a Higher Power often.  I interchange what I call this Power throughout the text because in my estimation, there really is no name that embodies all of what He/She/It is.  I will use names such as: God, Spirit, Holy Spirit, Source, Source Energy, Universe, Universal Intelligence, Loving Essence and Higher Power.  Please understand that with any name I use, I am always referring to the Superpower of the universe as I know and understand it… All Loving and All Good.  I believe we co-create our experience with this Energy to learn love, compassion and forgiveness and to live more peacefully while we make manifest our desires.  I believe that God/Source/Spirit is pure love and anything outside of that is illusion/fear/ego.  When I refer to our “Higher Self”, I am referring to the times we are connected to Source, our Light within, Truth.  When I use the term “lower self”, I am referring to the times we are identifying with our egoic, smaller mind - the fearful disclaimer that tries to sabotage our expansion and healing.  You can also choose to view the Higher Self and lower self as the proverbial angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other.  I don’t claim to be a guru or master of anything nor do I claim to know all there is to know about this Power.  I only know that through experience and trial, It is real and here to guide us on our journey.

Chapter One is the only purposefully placed chapter in this book because Connecting With [My] Divinity is where my transformation began.  In this chapter I share my personal story to better acquaint you with whom I am, where I’ve been and how my transformation from doormat to empowerment began.  After Chapter One, feel free to read the chapters in any order that speaks to you.  Honor your soul by doing what feels right and true for you.  This is your journey.  The concepts and ideas of each chapter were all congruent themes running at the same time during my healing.  I didn’t stop one to begin another.  Additionally, they are the exact same concepts and ideas I continue to practice and strengthen in myself each and every day.  Each concept aligns with adopting a new way of thinking, feeling, acting and being that is consistent and supportive of self-love and self-worth.  You might also notice that some material might tend to overlap.  This is because all the models within are directly connected by the same universal laws.  I believe without a doubt that when we love ourselves first, wholly and Holy, all else falls into place.  When our highest value becomes our well-being, our life begins to shift in the most fascinating, unexpected and wonderful ways.  The path to empowerment is all about changing oneself first in order to create change in one’s life. 

The stories and excerpts within are true life situations of my own, my coaching/mentoring clients, my friends and family.  All names have been changed in order to protect and respect the privacy of others.  This book was written to spread light, awareness and to promote healing to its readers.  Although I now passionately teach the wisdom and knowledge I’ve acquired, I continue daily to learn, grow and expand my consciousness.  Self-love and personal empowerment is not a destination; it is a way of living.

My invitation to you is to read the content of this book with an open mind and heart.  Be willing to discover, uncover and own what is yours to learn and grow from and discard anything that does not ring true in your soul.  You might identify with every word in every chapter or we may have been brought together to validate a change you are already in process of.  Whatever your purpose for being here is, know it is correct and perfect for you at this time.  You found this book (or this book found you) for a Divine reason.  There are no coincidences. 

The greatest step we can ever make regarding our personal well-being and healing is the first one!  I honor the seeker in you and bow to your quest to improve the quality of your life and relationships.  I will not give you the false impression it will always be easy.  The journey to empowerment will take courage, commitment and time. The fact that you are here, however, tells me you are ready to transform your life and reclaim your personal power, confidence and joy.  Taking the first step in any recovery is the hardest and you have already done it!  I honor and congratulate you!

In closing, always remember that life is a process.  Change is a process.  Be gentle with yourself while on your journey.  Stay your course, encourage and congratulate yourself often and most importantly honor yourself for the beautiful, unique soul that you are!

With love,

Kristen Brown

Why Me?

For the delicate hearts of the world, it can seem as though no one respects you or values your feelings.  That no matter how kind, generous, supportive or forgiving you may be, you are still exploited.  I understand completely because that has been my story of past and is something I still contend with in my own life from time to time (hence, Recovering Doormat).

What seems to take us so long to understand is that others may not be functioning from the same level of compassion or understanding as we are and in turn, we are continually blown away, hurt and disappointed when others don’t show up the way we do.  And then we continually ask ourselves, “Why does this always happen to me?!”

From my experience, I have learned that recovering from doormathood is a discipline.  A discipline based on strong personal boundaries derived from a solid self-worth foundation and a discipline rooted in taking care of one’s own heart even if it is not the popular vote of others around us.  It is learning to view the world and outside influences from a totally different perspective.  For example:

·        Others don’t always think like I think which means my perspective may not ever be seen or understood.

·        Others may not care as much as we care. Another’s highest value may not be our experience of the situation, but only their own. 

·        Others may be willing to blame us for situations gone awry rather than themselves. It takes an evolved soul to really go inward and say, “My bad, I’m sorry.”

·        Others may attempt to control us through manipulation and guilt strategies rather than healthy conversations.  Avoidance of healing conversation is not on his/her agenda.

Understanding our situations from a healthier perspective will indeed calm us and help us to see the picture more clearly.  However, at the end (or beginning) of the day, it is our responsibility to take care of our hearts first and foremost.  Our boundaries may rock the boat or upset the status quo; however, any behavior rooted in self-love (not selfishness or ego) is never wrong. 

Sometimes there is nothing more we can do in a situation, other than change our own behavior toward it and perhaps the very thing the situation needs is our strength to say, “No more.” 

Your Best Advice is Meant For You

Have you ever had a moment that the most perfect words are flowing out of your mouth and into the ears of the person in struggle?  It’s almost as if you have no control of what is being said, but dang! it’s so perfect?  Those are the moments that Spirit is speaking through us - using us as a channel, a vessel to deliver the most precious message to a brother.

Now, have you ever noticed that the best advice you are dishing out, isn’t necessarily the advice you are taking for yourself?  I’m sure if many of you were radically honest with yourselves, you would say… “Uhhhhh yeah”. 

Oftentimes Spirit puts us in situations where we are not only serving as a messenger for our brothers, but we are teaching and re-teaching ourselves the same thing.  We can say it so many times outward, but we don’t take the time to listen to ourselves (inward).  Some may say we are “too close to the situation” and this may very well be true, however, who better to know you than you?  We already know deep inside what would be most empowering for us, and we often choose the path of least resistance.

Forward Movement:  If you take a moment to notice the repeating conversations in your life and the message you keep delivering, I’m sure if you take a closer look, there is a place in your life where this advice is meant for you.  Yes, we all need/love/enjoy to have neutral ears to sound our “stuff” off of, but sometimes the best awarenesses come from within.  Be willing to find the common denominator in your life and then trust your words!  Your best advice is meant for you.

Peace, Kristen L. Brown

Are You Needing or Wanting a Partner?

The Difference Between Needing and Wanting a Partner-

How to tell the difference between being secure in self or wanting a partner to fill the void within that you have not filled yourself.

 Needing your partner gives the “I can’t live without you” feel.

Wanting your partner gives the “I enjoy having you in my life” feel.

Needing your partner is “I only feel good about myself when you are around or giving me compliments”.

Wanting your partner gives “I feel good about myself all of the time”.

Needing your partner is “I will do most anything you say to make you happy”.

Wanting your partner is “I will honor you while honoring myself as well”.

Needing your partner is “I need to keep him/her happy or he/she will leave me”.

Wanting your partner is “I love you and if you need to exit the relationship, I will be ok”.

Needing your partner is “I can’t stand others giving you attention because it is attention that is taken away from me”.

Wanting your partner is “I love seeing/watching how others interact with you”.

Needing your partner is “I have very few boundaries when it comes to you”.

Wanting your partner is “My boundaries are the same with you as they are with others”.

Needing your partner is “Your goals and desires can come before mine because your happiness matters the most to me”.

Wanting your partner is “Both of our goals are equally important and we will work together to support each other”.

Needing your partner is “I am jealous”.

Wanting your partner is “I am secure in who I am”.

Needing your partner is “How did I get someone as great as you?”

Wanting your partner is “I deserve a wonderful person equally to what you deserve.”

Needing a partner is “I have a hard time expressing my authenticity because I am too busy making up in my mind who you want me to be.”

Wanting a partner is “This is me.  All of me.  Authentic me.”

Needing a partner is “I will adjust my morals and ethics to accommodate a space in my life for you”.

Wanting a partner is “I am strong in my morals and I will not be with someone who is not in alignment with them.”

Needing a partner is “I always have to look my very best when I am around you”.

Wanting a partner is “Sometimes I am not dressed to the nines and that is ok.”

If you discovered that you fell into more of the “Needing” department rather than the “Wanting” department, you have just unlocked a key element to your healing path and manifesting an emotionally healthy relationship.  What you have unearthed, is that the core need that is not being met is love within self.  If we don’t love ourselves, we will desperately seek it outside of ourselves and consequently cause potential upheaval in our relationships.  The key to aligning yourself to manifest a “Want” relationship is to do the work necessary to love and nurture yourself first.  This is where the magic happens!

~Kristen Brown

What Underlying Belief is Holding You Back?

Each and every one of us have underlying beliefs about ourselves that serve as huge roadblocks in manifesting a wonderful, fulfilling life.  Way deep inside we have attached onto a belief or judgment (about self) and have projected that belief into the outside world about who we are and how people will perceive us.  Somewhere inside we feel unworthy or undeserving of good things in our lives and we sabotage ourselves by keeping this fear deeply hidden. The problem here is that it is our belief, not the world’s belief.  We have created this roadblock ourselves.  In moving forward in life with purpose and power, we must be willing to take a good, long, deep look at what it is that is stopping us.  We must be open to uncovering the sneaky little belief that is creating fear in us and that is keeping us frozen in place and stealing our joy. 

Recently, I have consulted with several people who have been holding themselves back from living their greatness by holding onto certain beliefs.  Examples of this are:

I have been divorced twice.  I am tainted and no one will want me.

I am overweight and I won’t be taken seriously.

I am not good enough for the area of town I live in.

I am weak because I have to use a blind cane.

I should have been married with children by now.

Each one of these people is amazing with excellent work ethic, integrity and morals.  However, they are holding themselves back through a belief that they have formulated in their own minds and have made into their own Law of Society.  In all three of these scenarios, what they were projecting was just not true.  Period.

When we unconsciously attach onto a belief, it is sometimes hard to recognize.  We are not quite sure what is holding us back.  We only know that we feel stuck and we are unhappy.  By paying close attention to your emotions and anxiety levels, you can identify what is causing your lower emotion and bring this belief up into the light where you can examine it, question it and eventually move past it.  This takes diligence on your part.  By really wanting peace and happiness, we must be willing to do the work required to move ourselves forward.  Once discovering the belief, change your thought into the exact opposite of the original belief.  For example:  My weight does not determine my self worth.  I am strong because I am using my blind cane.  By repeating the mantra in moments of distress, you CAN and WILL move past your block.  Awareness is the key to emotional healing.  In this, I wish you much awareness on your journey!

Many blessings!  Kristen Brown