Unconditional Love Means Letting Go

What is unconditional love?  The standard of society claims to love unconditionally, but do they?  Loving unconditionally means loving  UN-CON-DIT-ION-ALLY.  It means loving someone no matter what.  It means honoring the light and God love that is in each and every one of us regardless of their behavior or weaknesses.  It’s about loving someone for who they are not for what they can bring to us.  It’s about honoring another’s path and allowing them the freedom to do what is best for them not what we believe to be best for them.

         During my “Growth Year” (which I tenderly refer to a very difficult time in my life), this was one of the main lessons I learned.  Loving unconditionally is easy for me in most areas but difficult for me in the area of a romantic relationship.  I had met and quickly fell in love with a beautiful man who I thought to be ‘the one’.  He held every attribute I could name that I wanted in a partner.  I thought I had won the lottery!  I don’t fall in love easily and have a high standard for who I allow in.  I was sure that this was my reward for all the strife I had been through.

         Many months, countless amazing times and oodles of soul connection later, the relationship ended.  I felt like I had been hit with a 2 x 4!  This could not be happening!  But I was so sure!  He was my hero, he was my twin flame!  I could feel his goodness and love.  Paradoxically, what the relationship provided for him was a light on all of his fearful places.  Places within himself that he needed to heal.  He started to recognize these areas and saw the way his behavior effected me (and others in his life) and knew he had to work on this FIRST to be able to show up fully for a relationship.

         I mentally kicked and screamed my entire way out.  The idea of not having him in my life was so painful.  I did not want to believe that this was happening.  It just couldn’t be…  I subconsciously hung on for months hoping something would change.  But I later realized, that to love him unconditionally was to let him go with Love and not with sadness,anger or any other emotion.  It would only serve my Ego to bring up all the conversations and broken words.  It would only serve my Ego to attempt to instill guilt.  I love him enough to want what is best for him and if that is to not be with me, then so it is.  To love something is to let it go…  It is allowing personal freedom to those whom we love so they may find themselves and honor their own paths (no matter who they are in our lives).  I finally understood what that meant and I was willing to do just that.  Contrarily, I also came to realize this was the best thing for me as well.  I had areas in myself that needed attention and healing as well. The timing just wasn’t right... and I honor him for knowing this in the forefront. 

         He still creeps into my mind and I see/hear reminders of him all of the time.   Instead of feeling sad or some other low emotion, I smile and know that I was graced with a beautiful soul to assist me in this life.  For that, I will be forever grateful.  I then picture him encased in brilliant white light, I tell him I love him and I send him away.

I Let Go….

Hold Nothing Back from Yourself

In order to find healing, peace and clarity, we must first be absolutely honest with ourselves.  It's time to look inside and discover the emotions that are clear pathways to a deeper awareness of self and discovery.

An excerpt from:  Daily Guidance from Your Angels-   Doreen Virtue

     You have many important inner conversations, many of which you're completley unaware of.  Sharing with yourself is vitally important, so what would you like to admit to yourself right now?  Sometimes it's just a matter of giving yourself the opportunity to practice self-honesty.
     Some of your emotions may worry, frighten, or intimidate you, so you keep them from your conscious awareness.  You may be ashamed of your feelings, yet admitting them to yourself is important for happiness and healing.  (You don't need to act upon these emotions, but it is important to admit them to yourself.)  In doing so, you'll understand the reason why they arise, and you'll gain compassion for yourself.
     Self-honesty is the cornerstone of self-awareness, which, in turn, is the foundation of self-love.  When you know who you are, you can better accept yourself.  Have the intention today of eavesdropping upon your own inner conversations;  and try to keep a sense of humor, compassion, and love toward them.  Hold nothing back from yourself, and candidly converse about every topic, airing your deepest feelings-and then take the risk of expressing them trhough writing, singing, dancing, or some other creative outlet.

Enjoy a peaceful day!

Forgiveness

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”          Lewis B.  Smedes

…to set a prisoner free…   You may ask yourself:  What does this mean?  How can I apply this to my life?  Is there someone I’m needing to forgive and I am choosing not to?

Fellow souls,  forgiveness is not an act of weakness it is an act of strength.  To hold onto a past hurt or grievance is only to carry pain and fear in our hearts.  We mistakenly believe we are punishing the offender when we are truly only punishing ourselves.   We believe that by holding on we are in control of a situation where we once felt out of control.  We bind ourselves to the past and are unable to move forward with wholeness through our lives.

Some of us are still steadfastly unwilling to forgive.  Would it be even a possibility for those of you to at least take a brief glimpse into it?  Would you be willing to at least look at the possibility of your personal freedom through forgiveness?  If the answer is yes, please try this:

“I am willing to take at a look at forgiving_________for ________.”

This mere suggestion to the Universe lets it know you are at least willing to look at the possibility of moving forward.  It shows you are tired of being bound to the past and harboring the ugly inside.   The Universe will then start aligning things for you to find this peace.

Let go…  Bring your freedom back…  Don’t go on one more day allowing your power and energy to be taken from you.  Embrace forgiveness…  Embrace healing!                                Namaste’

Healing begins when...

... we bring our inner fears and emotions up to the surface.  Where there is light, there can not be darkness.

Take a moment today to explore what emotion is just below the surface.  What emotion in you needs to be recognized and brought up to the light?  It's an amazing event when one can recognize such things.  The power behind it diminishes greatly and healing begins.

Owning What is Yours

         Relationships are an amazing union between two beautifully unique individuals that gives us the opportunity to grow, to evolve and to love. When someone we love and trust holds a “mirror” to us exposing our weaknesses, consider it a great gift! It is an opportunity to bring us in touch with who we really are and who we truly want to be. It shows us places in us that need to be healed.  It takes courage to look within and it takes vulnerability to admit where we are weak. Be grateful when someone who loves you shines a light on a weak spot.   Be willing to say, “Thank you for that, now I must do some work in that area.”  You will learn that it will assist your personal growth. It will keep your relationships authentic and your vulnerability will help to open that same door for another. It is a win/win deal!
          We are all human beings. We are imperfect and fallible.  We are here to learn, to grow and to evolve.  The power here lies in trusting yourself to know what is yours and what is not.   It’s about taking responsibility for your behaviors and habits.  Having the courage to look inside and admit your wrongs and be gentle and forgiving of yourself for you are only human.

This is a great way to start believing in oneself.  It’s about self-reflection and knowing inside who you truly are.  We all know on some level when we have behaved poorly or have acted out of pride or self-righteousness.  (The key word there is “on some level”).  Usually, our immediate response is, “Well, you did ____ or _____!”  From that point forward it becomes a power play.  Ego versus Ego.  When that happens, everyone stops listening and it’s almost impossible to move forward.  Sometimes it takes that mirror of love to reflect back our actions. Be willing to own what is yours.

          The danger here lies in taking all the responsibility.  It takes two to make a relationship and it takes two to break one.  We only have responsibility for our half.  Be willing to admit what is yours, but be careful of owning something that is not yours only because your partner is a good convincer.  When in doubt, go within.  Ask for some time to ponder the situation.  Take some time to deep breathe and get clarity on your thoughts and feelings.      

    It took me many years to figure all of this out, but eventually… I did! I use to take responsibility for the whole relationship, not just what was mine.  I would allow myself to be blamed for everything and be talked out of my legitimate thoughts, concerns, feelings or upsets.  I now walk through life trusting my feelings are real, valid and deserve some study.  I am willing to be wrong. I am willing to compromise. But I will not allow my feelings to be insignificant.  

We only have power over ourselves and no one else.  It’s a beautiful thing when we start to own our “stuff”.  Within a loving relationship, this usually softens the situation by 75%.  When we make ourselves vulnerable, our loved ones are most likely to soften and come down to that same level and they too are more willing to be vulnerable as well.  This is where true communication really begins. This is where things get solved.  This is where divine Love steps in and Ego stops fighting Ego.

Be willing to be wrong.  Be willing to compromise. But please remember, your thoughts and feelings are not insignificant. You are important and you are valuable.  Believe in yourself!  Trusting and loving oneself is essential in the harmony of a relationship.

And so it is... :)

Facing The Fear Within

    
     I have witnessed many times in my life, people who are so afraid of a certain "something" that they stand frozen.  They function in their lives in that area, on the brink of panic.  They are so caught up in the fear part of their thinking that they leave no space for Spirit to come in and heal.  They do this to feel a sense of security and to assure themselves that they are in control and no one else.  A separation from Spirit and a false way to keep themselves from feeling pain.
     I was once dating a man who is a lovely, amazing human being.  I thought God had finally rewarded me for all my trials.  At one point in our relationship he stated, "I'm a fool for letting a woman take charge of my emotions." He also stated several times, "I will not let someone hurt me."  The statements alone were just fine, but the behavior accompanying them was very telling.  No matter how wonderful I was or how amazing we were together, he just couldn't "take the risk".  He was so fearful that it kept him frozen solid and alone.
    I was quite taken aback by all of this.  I had never witnessed something like this before.  He behaved so cool, calm and collected that I assumed he had it all figured out.  I had no idea what was really going on under the surface.  In my reality, he was in control,  but in his reality, his feelings for me were overwhelming in his life and he felt out of control.  He weighed the joy our relationship brought to his life against his fear and the fear won.  This was a very enlightening moment for me.  One, because I  realized that it's not what someone says it's why they say it, and two, it gave me incredible insight into the fears that lay deep within him and many other people.  I knew at that point that he had some big healing to do.  I also knew that no matter what I did, how safe and reassured I could try to make him feel, this was his wound and only he could heal it. 
     His statement answered many of my questions though.  It explained why he had such a hard time expressing himself and how even though I felt what he was feeling, he could not express it.  In his moments of clarity and peace, he would say loving, open and vulnerable things, but shortly thereafter, he would back peddle and try to diminish the strength of what he said.  It was very confusing to me because when he would say those things, it would resonate in my body as truth, but his behavior was contradictory.   I felt him and believed those were his true deep feelings, but after revealing himself, the wall would go up right away and I'd be standing with ironman.  He wouldn't try to flee; he just became incredible stoic and put on an "I don't care" attitude.  It was like I was dealing with two people.
     He later told me he does that to protect himself.  He said, "If I don't let anyone in, they cannot hurt me."  I felt such sadness for him...  I wanted so badly to rescue him!  To save him from a lifetime of loneliness...  But I cannot save him.  Only he can.   However, I did explain to him that we are here to love...  Our greatest gift from God is our capacity to give love and to receive love.  I felt his fear was such a tragedy being there was a huge world out there to give love to and get love from but he had built a fortress around his heart.  I also knew that his healing was a process and it would take some time.  Amount of time?  I had no idea...  He had to want it and want it badly.
     We can start our healing process at any time.  The process begins when we recognize our area of fear and bring it to the surface.  When we allow the light in, our healing begins! Where there is light, there can not be darkness.  I encourage everyone to dig deep today.  To look inside and find that part of you that is entrenched in fear and may be holding you back from living a life of love and happiness.  The very first step in healing is recognizing where we need to be healed.  Allow the fear to rise to the surface like a bubble rising from the bottom of the ocean.  Allow that fear to break the ocean's surface and to be dispersed into the universe.  Imagine the intensity of the fear diminishing as it blends with the universal energy.  Ask God (Universe, Spirit, Source) to help you heal and to replace this fear with love.  It's time for you to live joyously!  It's time for you to heal!
     And so it is...