Preparing for a Relationship- Lesson 2

Preparing for a Relationship Workshop:

Lesson 2-

1.     Remember the Law of Attraction!  Our thoughts manifest into our reality.  If we are sure we will find our perfect love then so it will be!  Keep your thoughts high and positive.  Do not let yourself get down or negative.  This changes the way the universe reads your desires.  If one is always saying, “There are no good women/men out there.”  Guess, what?  There won’t be.  You will find that you attract people of that nature and it will only strengthen your thoughts.  Change your thoughts around.  Only positive thoughts and high self-talk for you!  We are all deserving of love.  We are put on this planet to love.  To think that you are different and undeserving from the rest of the world is preposterous.

2.     Be aware of who the universe puts in front of you.  He/she may not be “the one” but it could be someone who leads you to “the one”.  Be open, kind and considerate to all who come into your path.  Be genuine.  We are all connected.  One new person of any age or gender may lead us to our beloved.  Be open to receive!

3.     Open up your world.  It’s not likely that we will find someone if we hole up at home every night.  Go for a coffee with a friend.  Take people up on offers of a night out even if it is something a bit outside your comfort zone. (This is not to say do things that are outside your values) Let me explain:  Oftentimes we say no to something because we just don’t want to get off the couch or we won’t know anyone at the gathering or it’s not something you have done before.  Be open!  You are changing and evolving all of the time, so are others.  One never knows where one might meet their love!

4.     Relax…  Don’t be afraid to be yourself.  After all, we want to attract someone who loves us completely for who we are.  If we play “pretend” that we are someone else, we are not being authentic and actually lying about who we are.  We may not even know we are doing it, but to say, “Oh, I love car racing!” when we actually despise it, is not being authentic and when one is not authentically who they are it is a recipe for resentment later on in the relationship.  This workshop is about showing up whole and complete so you may attract someone whole and complete!

I honor the seeker in you which brought you to this article.  You are light, you are love, and you are loved!

Namaste’

Owning What is Yours

         Relationships are an amazing union between two beautifully unique individuals that gives us the opportunity to grow, to evolve and to love. When someone we love and trust holds a “mirror” to us exposing our weaknesses, consider it a great gift! It is an opportunity to bring us in touch with who we really are and who we truly want to be. It shows us places in us that need to be healed.  It takes courage to look within and it takes vulnerability to admit where we are weak. Be grateful when someone who loves you shines a light on a weak spot.   Be willing to say, “Thank you for that, now I must do some work in that area.”  You will learn that it will assist your personal growth. It will keep your relationships authentic and your vulnerability will help to open that same door for another. It is a win/win deal!
          We are all human beings. We are imperfect and fallible.  We are here to learn, to grow and to evolve.  The power here lies in trusting yourself to know what is yours and what is not.   It’s about taking responsibility for your behaviors and habits.  Having the courage to look inside and admit your wrongs and be gentle and forgiving of yourself for you are only human.

This is a great way to start believing in oneself.  It’s about self-reflection and knowing inside who you truly are.  We all know on some level when we have behaved poorly or have acted out of pride or self-righteousness.  (The key word there is “on some level”).  Usually, our immediate response is, “Well, you did ____ or _____!”  From that point forward it becomes a power play.  Ego versus Ego.  When that happens, everyone stops listening and it’s almost impossible to move forward.  Sometimes it takes that mirror of love to reflect back our actions. Be willing to own what is yours.

          The danger here lies in taking all the responsibility.  It takes two to make a relationship and it takes two to break one.  We only have responsibility for our half.  Be willing to admit what is yours, but be careful of owning something that is not yours only because your partner is a good convincer.  When in doubt, go within.  Ask for some time to ponder the situation.  Take some time to deep breathe and get clarity on your thoughts and feelings.      

    It took me many years to figure all of this out, but eventually… I did! I use to take responsibility for the whole relationship, not just what was mine.  I would allow myself to be blamed for everything and be talked out of my legitimate thoughts, concerns, feelings or upsets.  I now walk through life trusting my feelings are real, valid and deserve some study.  I am willing to be wrong. I am willing to compromise. But I will not allow my feelings to be insignificant.  

We only have power over ourselves and no one else.  It’s a beautiful thing when we start to own our “stuff”.  Within a loving relationship, this usually softens the situation by 75%.  When we make ourselves vulnerable, our loved ones are most likely to soften and come down to that same level and they too are more willing to be vulnerable as well.  This is where true communication really begins. This is where things get solved.  This is where divine Love steps in and Ego stops fighting Ego.

Be willing to be wrong.  Be willing to compromise. But please remember, your thoughts and feelings are not insignificant. You are important and you are valuable.  Believe in yourself!  Trusting and loving oneself is essential in the harmony of a relationship.

And so it is... :)

Letting Others Be Who They Are

    
     As human beings we are in a constant state of trying to feel safe.  We try to control things in our life in order to not feel pain.  We want our partners to say things we want to hear.  We want our bosses and coworkers to treat us a certain way.  We want our families to behave according to what we think they "should" do.  All in the name of trying to avoid pain.
     We believe that our way is the only way and when people don't do as we believe they should, we are hurt and disappointed.  The truth is, we are all different.  Each and every one of us think, feel and act differently.  We have unique ways of expressing our emotions, our thoughts and love.  I remember in my younger years, men saying to me, "Sorry if I don't say it exactly how you want to hear it."  I chose to not believe what they were saying because it was not the way I would say it.  I was being so unfair.  They were not me.  They did not express the way I do.  It took 3 men to say that to me for me to finally get it.
     What would our days be like if we just accepted others as they are?  What if we allowed others the space to just be.  How would our lives look if we lived in a place of unconditional love and acceptance of who others are?
     Our suffering would end, our pain would diminish and we would be peaceful.  We would be in a position to live in joy instead of pain.  The only person you can change or truly have control over is you.  I have often said, if a relationship is not working and you are expecting someone to change, change yourself!  It's amazing what comes about when one makes growth changes in themselves.  I have seen over and over again a ripple effect.  When the person is no longer playing the victim, but the victor, it has a magnificent effect- others start to change around you.
     I am by no means saying stay in an abusive relationship or put up with repeated disrespectful behavior.  Some relationships no longer serve us and are best to be let go of.  A physically abusive relationship should be left immediately.  This is more about letting go of thoughtforms of who you want someone to be and just letting them be that person.  It's about loving someone for who they are and not what you want them to be.  To love unconditionally is to truly let go of expectations and to fill yourself up with love!  What comes after that should just be a bonus!