For the delicate hearts of the
world, it can seem as though no one respects you or values your feelings. That no matter how kind, generous, supportive
or forgiving you may be, you are still exploited. I understand completely because that has been
my story of past and is something I still contend with in my own life from time
to time (hence, Recovering Doormat).
What seems to take us so long to
understand is that others may not be functioning from the same level of
compassion or understanding as we are and in turn, we are continually blown
away, hurt and disappointed when others don’t show up the way we do. And then we continually ask ourselves, “Why does this always happen to me?!”
From my experience, I have learned that
recovering from doormathood is a discipline.
A discipline based on strong personal boundaries derived from a solid
self-worth foundation and a discipline rooted in taking care of one’s own heart
even if it is not the popular vote of others around us. It is learning to view the world and outside
influences from a totally different perspective. For example:
·
Others don’t always
think like I think which means my perspective may not ever be seen or
understood.
·
Others may not care as
much as we care. Another’s highest value may not be our experience of the
situation, but only their own.
·
Others may be willing
to blame us for situations gone awry rather than themselves. It takes an
evolved soul to really go inward and say, “My bad, I’m sorry.”
·
Others may attempt to
control us through manipulation and guilt strategies rather than healthy
conversations. Avoidance of healing
conversation is not on his/her agenda.
Understanding our situations from a
healthier perspective will indeed calm us and help us to see the picture more
clearly. However, at the end (or beginning)
of the day, it is our responsibility
to take care of our hearts first and
foremost. Our boundaries may rock the
boat or upset the status quo; however, any behavior rooted in self-love (not
selfishness or ego) is never wrong.
Sometimes there is nothing more we
can do in a situation, other than change our own behavior toward it and perhaps
the very thing the situation needs is our strength to say, “No more.”
