Everyone is Programmed Differently

"This sounds simple and obvious, yet often times we lose sight of the fact that our partner has completely different programing than we do. We expect him to feel about a situation the way we do; we expect her to respond the way we would respond. A wonderful practice for creating intimacy is to be curious about our partner. What does he think about this? How does she feel about this? Being in that open space of wonder about our soul mate creates the space for communication to seed and take root."                                             Orna and Matthew

When I read this quote I smiled.   This was one of my valuable lessons during my growth year.  Like Orna and Matthew state, “This sounds simple and obvious…”.  This not only applies to just our partner, but to all our friends and family.  After I came to this realization, I was thinking, “Duh!”  Of course others do not think like me.  Of course others don’t do things as I would do.  Of course others don’t necessarily show their love like I do, communicate like I do, rest like I do, have my same parenting skills etc.  This list could go on and on.  And the absolutely most remarkable thing about it all is:  How wonderful is that?!

How on earth would I learn new things?  How would I be able to stretch myself if we all walked around dancing to the same beat?  My world is full of colorful people.  Each and every one of them holds a special gift that I get to share with them!  I can be the recipient of the beautiful singing voice of one friend or the massive warms hugs from another or the poetic words from another.  One is magical in the business world.  Another is so patience and understanding of all man.  And the one who makes me laugh so hard!  What a gift to be around him!

I use to walk around thinking, “Well, ______ should have called me. Or  _______ needs to do this to be happy in her/her life. Or  Why can’t _______ handle that situation this way.  In hindsight I realize how ridiculous all of that was.  They are not me and who am I to tell them how to handle his/her own life?  I’m not sure to call this a lesson in Tolerance or a lesson in Patience or Understanding or just plain Enlightenment.  But whatever it may be called,  I now know that to hold such a stance is only disappointing myself.  People are not like me and I am not like others.  We are all unique and valuable just the way we are.  What a boring, mundane and predictable world we would have if we all functioned the same?  We all have our lives to live.  We all have our Divine paths and only we truly know what works for us.  It seems a hard concept to grasp, but paradoxically so simple.

Are you willing to entertain the idea that others will not always respond as you do?  Show love like you do? Make decisions like you do or communicate like you do?  To understand this is a door opening to greater awareness and personal freedom to you and those in your life.  It’s one more step in the progression of living a joyful life.

Namaste’

Lightworker By Amy Joon

Dear Friends,

I have the honor of knowing an amazing woman whose words are melodies and songs everytimes she speaks.  She has the amazing gift of piecing nouns and verbs together to give one just the perfect blend of truth mixed with metaphor.  I could listen to her speak for hours.  She could recite the makings of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich like it was a Beethoven Symphony.  For those of you who know her, you know what I mean!

In honor of my friend, Amy, and her beautiful words written about those of us who wish to be light and love in the world...

Lightworker

He hollowed out the thick of my trunk and buried in it a wardrum so the tribe could call the soldiers to battle.

We would assemble in the dark of the wood and bathe in the peace of the trickling light the sun hands down thru leaves and shades of orange, yellow, what's left of green.
We are armed with mouths of love.

Use language to dress the wounds of humanity.

Teach roots and reach people back into the center of themselves.
There will be bliss in the gentle of our intention.
We are soldiers of light in the army of love and our purpose will be to inflict billions with a connection to source that makes them dance in the rain- naked- or painted with flowers.

Because- life, it means to rest easy in our bones.

We can finally settle into a bartering of the everything everyone can need.

And breathe so very easy.
We came here to learn to come back to love- to teach togetherness- and live connection.

The limbs of our arms reach for the sky, the roots of our trunks anchor into the ground and we claim earth with our connection to the heavens.
Breeze blows thru the tangles in our hair...

We are naked in the space of eachother even when we are fully clothed for we finally- everyone- realize we are each the other.

Nothing separates us... Sets us apart. We breathe. Thirst for water.

Long to be loved and to nurture with our own breath...

There never has been any such thing as time or space.

Everything that there ever is going to be is THIS NOW. A blend of all realities…
And then the drum in my chest it beats slowly.
In our language of unspoken words we mime gratitude for this collective intention- realized.
Love is the space we hold to create ones safety with themselves.

We can only be responsible inside of our own journeys.
It is in our solidarity that we can stand- arms hooked- sustainably living off this land.

While we are in need of inner dependence we cannot master it without an independence that voids relying on any system or belief that other than empowers our war drums as the machine.
In this brotherhood of love, entwined by contracts- sacred- we have all agreed to raise the vibration by being the pieces of the collective whole…
If we stand back far enough- lose our need to take it all personally- choose to know that we have all been the betraye.r as equally as the betraye.d, the love.r as often as the love.d, the wound.er in addition to the wound.ed- the judgment can slip away- we make room for more and more love.

 We sleep happier. And then tomorrow morning, when we wake up- the Masterpiece becomes our integration.

We can dismantle the army of love and live as a world nation of Light….
It is time to live our Brotherhood.

If we’re all willing, we can re-ignite the sky and shatter the illusion of separate…
And remind all of ourselves- We are One magnificent Whole.

~Amy Joon 

We All Learn From One Another

I love how people are put into our paths for a reason.  I love how we can learn and grow our souls from each and every person we meet or have contact with during the day.  I love how the enlightenment of one can be just the perfect thing we needed to hear.  I’m fascinated how when one makes himself vulnerable and tells “his story” and the overcoming of it, how it can lead to a path of healing for others.

Lately, I’ve been walking around with eyes wide open.  I see and hear things like I have never seen and heard before.  By being fully present in the company of another and staying out of my head and my agenda, the answers come to me in the most amazing of ways.

Yesterday, I met with someone I had not seen in quite some time.  I was fully present and just allowed for the moment to flow gracefully from one topic to the next.  I had no preconceived notions or hidden agendas.  I was able to just “be”.  The conversations that ensued, the words exchanged, the validations and healing that took place from that conversation was worth a million dollars.  I believe the universe put this person in my presence for exactly those reasons.  I, an empowerment coach, became empowered!  We may be coaches and are able to hold space for others, but we, too, are human beings with a journey.  The places where I second guess or wondered about were answered in just over an hours time.

I remember watching the other person speak to me and being so fascinated with their story and their insights I didn’t even really want to speak.  I was so honored to be sharing space with such a growing soul.  One of my validations was how fascinated and supporting I am of other’s growth.  When I hear stories of overcoming life’s trials I am truly overjoyed!  We all have them, but it’s what we do with them that is so important!  I have always been this way and truly realized during those moments of connection how much I truly love fellow man and view us all as innocent in this world.

I invite you to honor your time with another.  Be open in the space you share.  Lose your defenses and protection and just be…  Invite vulnerability into your life.  By making oneself vulnerable, it allows others to be as well and it’s truly fascinating what you will hear and how it will heal.

In gratitude of the Divine and my path,  KB

When Someone Repeatedly Hurts Us

“When someone does something to hurt us over and over again, and we allow it, we are actually hurting ourselves.”  Byron Katie

  When someone hurts us repeatedly, the first thing we tend to do is blame the other person.  We gather our crew of supporters around us and we stand in our justification of our anger or pain.  All the while pointing the finger to him/her and how they need to change.  There is an old saying, “One time, shame on you, two times, shame on me.”  Once we state to the “offender” what they have done, it is then up to them to change their behavior, but only if he/she wants to.  If they decide not to, we then jump into the cyclical behavior of Pain and Blame.  Why won’t he/she stop doing that?!  What’s the matter with him/her?!  He/she must not love me enough!

Is it truly that he/she doesn’t love you enough or is it simply that you do not love you enough?  If a behavior continues with someone else, only WE have the control whether we change or not.  We cannot ever change someone else.  At this point, we must decide how we are going to handle this?

Historically, I have been the Queen of wishing for someone else’s change.  I felt so justified in my unhappiness.  I would talk until I was blue in the face hoping and praying that the “offender” would finally get it!  That he would love me enough to not want to hurt me anymore.  Boy, was I wrong.  You see, we teach people how to treat us.  We can tell them all day long what is acceptable and what is not, but the truth is only our behavior will truly speak for us.  We must be willing to lose the love or friendship or whatever, to not allow someone to treat us inappropriately.

Once I started working on self-love, this actually just fell into place.  Once I knew that I was fine with or without _____ , that is when I truly stepped into my power.  You must understand the word power is not used in the definition of control and manipulation.  It is used solely as a loving feeling for self that stops me from allowing people to treat me poorly.  I now take care of and protect myself in the same method that I would someone I love.  Prior to this, I was so worried over losing the love that I would put up with the disrespectful behavior of people.  On one hand I thought I was just being a forgiving soul and then I realized, that I could forgive their innocence but that did not mean I needed to stay in the relationship. 

So now my new method of operation is: 

1.      State my thought

2.     Have a conversation around it

3.     Forgive and move on

At this point, I know I have been fair in stating my truth.  I have given opportunity to the person to explain the behavior and I have forgiven.  If the behavior then continues, I now know that it is up to me to make a change.  Keep in mind, this doesn’t always mean leaving the relationship- it could merely mean changing something about the way I deal with the behavior.  Sometimes a small change in myself is all that is needed. 

In conclusion, love yourself!  Take care of you!  Be your own best friend.  Stop looking for love outside of you and be willing to walk away if someone is repeatedly treating you poorly.

Namaste’

When Someone Repeatedly Hurts Us

“When someone does something to hurt us over and over again, and we allow it, we are actually hurting ourselves.”  Byron Katie

  When someone hurts us repeatedly, the first thing we tend to do is blame the other person.  We gather our crew of supporters around us and we stand in our justification of our anger or pain.  All the while pointing the finger to him/her and how they need to change.  There is an old saying, “One time, shame on you, two times, shame on me.”  Once we state to the “offender” what they have done, it is then up to them to change their behavior, but only if he/she wants to.  If they decide not to, we then jump into the cyclical behavior of Pain and Blame.  Why won’t he/she stop doing that?!  What’s the matter with him/her?!  He/she must not love me enough!

Is it truly that he/she doesn’t love you enough or is it simply that you do not love you enough?  If a behavior continues with someone else, only WE have the control whether we change or not.  We cannot ever change someone else.  At this point, we must decide how we are going to handle this?

Historically, I have been the Queen of wishing for someone else’s change.  I felt so justified in my unhappiness.  I would talk until I was blue in the face hoping and praying that the “offender” would finally get it!  That he would love me enough to not want to hurt me anymore.  Boy, was I wrong.  You see, we teach people how to treat us.  We can tell them all day long what is acceptable and what is not, but the truth is only our behavior will truly speak for us.  We must be willing to lose the love or friendship or whatever, to not allow someone to treat us inappropriately.

Once I started working on self-love, this actually just fell into place.  Once I knew that I was fine with or without _____ , that is when I truly stepped into my power.  You must understand the word power is not used in the definition of control and manipulation.  It is used solely as a loving feeling for self that stops me from allowing people to treat me poorly.  I now take care of and protect myself in the same method that I would someone I love.  Prior to this, I was so worried over losing the love that I would put up with the disrespectful behavior of people.  On one hand I thought I was just being a forgiving soul and then I realized, that I could forgive their innocence but that did not mean I needed to stay in the relationship. 

So now my new method of operation is: 

1.      State my thought

2.     Have a conversation around it

3.     Forgive and move on

At this point, I know I have been fair in stating my truth.  I have given opportunity to the person to explain the behavior and I have forgiven.  If the behavior then continues, I now know that it is up to me to make a change.  Keep in mind, this doesn’t always mean leaving the relationship- it could merely mean changing something about the way I deal with the behavior.  Sometimes a small change in myself is all that is needed. 

In conclusion, love yourself!  Take care of you!  Be your own best friend.  Stop looking for love outside of you and be willing to walk away if someone is repeatingly treating you poorly.

Namaste’

Where is Your Focus?

Whatever you are giving your attention to is already vibrating. And when you give your attention to it, if you maintain your focus for as little as 17 seconds, you begin to include its vibration, whatever it is, in your vibration. When you see something you want, and you give it your attention, and you say yes to it, you are including whatever its vibration is in your vibration. When you see something you do not want, and you shout no at it, you are including whatever its vibration is in your vibration. In this vibrational world, which is everything, you are far more vibrational beings than you are verbal beings. You are communicating with everyone far more on a vibrational basis, than you are on a verbal basis.
--- Abraham

My thoughts:
I posted this excerpt because I find this to be 100% true.  Whatever it is I'm giving my attention to is what I manifest.  Since becoming conscious of my thoughts and the feelings they provoke in me, I've been doing several processes to change this in my life.  It wasn't too long into it (maybe a week) where I already started to see miraculous changes in my life.  These changes were so obviously different, I almost didn't believe what I was seeing/hearing.  I fell off my processes for a bit and started to feel the same downward spiral as before.  I thought, "Huh.... Is this really happening this way?"  So once again I put my focus on things I wished to manifest and I worked very hard to keep my vibration high.  And Bam! once again things started to shift immediately. 
Friends, with all my being, I invite you to try this.  Not half-way with half a heart, I mean 100%.  Stay away from negative thinking.  Question your thoughts.  Stay mentally out of others business.  Focus on what you DO want not on what you don't. 
Please feel free to contact me with any wonderful shifts you discover!
Peace,  Kristen

Create or Tend to Your Altar

It’s important to have personal space where you can pray and meditate.  This doesn’t need to be a formal location, just someplace where you feel comfortable and can close your eyes without distraction.  It can even be the corner of a room used for other purposes.

            Creating an altar in this sacred space will inspire you to meditate.  Use a flat surface-a tabletop, for example, or a shelf- on which you can place objects that have a meaning for you or inspire peaceful feelings.  You may want to include items representing nature, such as feathers, shells or crystals.  It serves as a focal point for prayer and meditation, and over time it becomes imbued with deeply spiritual energy.

            Begin making your altar today.  If you already have one, tend to it by reviewing the things that it holds.  Do you feel guided to remove any of the items or place new ones on it?  As you work with your altar, notice the feelings that it awakens in you.  Connect with it as you would a dear old friend, and it will serve you loyally each day.

            Affirmation:  This is my place where I can let go, expose all my true feelings to Spirit, and honor my Divine path.

                                                                                    Doreen Virtue

My thoughts:

            Before even reading any literature on this, I had already created an altar of sorts on a shelf in my bedroom.  On this shelf, I had placed items that had spiritual meaning for me.  I dedicated a whole shelf to this and as I lay in bed (my  usual meditation place) I can see my shelf and look over the items I have carefully and lovingly placed there.  They serve as a reminder of Who I Am and to remain in connection with my Source.  I didn’t call it my altar, I didn’t call it anything really, I just went with my heart and dedicated a shelf to my spirituality.  Now, I call it My Altar!  J

            Are you following your heart?  Are there spiritual things you would like to implement into your life but are afraid what others may think?  I invite you to do what feels right for you.  If you would benefit from such a sacred space, I invite you to design a loving altar for yourself.  Staying connected to our Source at all times is a important part of making it through our days with peace.

Namaste’

Is it Difficult For You to Say No?

How good are you at saying, “No”?  Do you find yourself constantly saying “Yes” to avoid conflict or to please another when in truth the best thing for you would be to say no?  We pleasers of the world suffer from the Yes Disease.  We fill up all of our time with everyone else’s needs besides our own.  Learning to say no is about setting healthy boundaries in your life.  It’s not about being mean or selfish; it’s about self-love and self-empowerment.

One of the biggest areas people come to me to coach around is their personal boundaries.  I’m here to assure you all first, it’s perfectly normal not to know how to set personal boundaries.  It typically isn’t something that we are taught growing up.  That doesn’t make anyone wrong for raising us how they did.  Societies are constantly morphing and roles are changing.  It’s ok, to change and morph right along with it!

Historically, I was a huge people pleaser.  Where did this get me?  It led to me disappointment, exhaustion, sadness (which usually accompanies my tiredness) and resentment.  For one, we typically will expect everyone else to be pleasers as well and are sorely disappointed when we perceive that they “let us down”.  Two, we fill up our empty spaces with other people’s needs and neglect our own.  This is simply a lack of love for self.  We truly must love and nurture ourselves first.  That is the only way we can really show up whole for others and setting healthy boundaries is a great start!

I’m not here to say I am fantastic at this all of the time.  In fact, it is truly a delicate dance for me.  I am in the career of speech and empowerment and I love doing it!  But sometimes, I need (for my own protection) to limit how much I go above and beyond to make sure I am not compromising my own rest and personal time.

Here are a few questions to get you started:

1.                        Do I say Yes all the time even when it would benefit me most to say no?

2.                       What is the reason behind all my yes’?  Am I afraid to disappoint them?  Do I feel like I will lose their love if I say no?

3.                        What is the best thing that could happen if I set a small boundary (at first- for comfort level) and start saying no sometimes?

4.                       Am I willing to take this chance to love myself more and add more quality to my own life?

One of my clients struggled terribly saying no to her mother.  She started to cringe when her mother called because she knew she was going to invite her to something that she either didn’t want to attend or didn’t have the time for.  When she finally set her “no’s” in motion she surprisingly discovered her mother was totally supportive and loving about it.  Historically her mother kept asking because my client kept saying yes!  My client was so worried to let her mother down that she kept compromising her self over and over again.  When she started implementing her new plan, her relationship with her mother morphed into something even more wonderful than it was before.  The resentments faded and a new and greater relationship emerged!

Setting boundaries is really not as difficult as it seems and it will get easier as you practice.  Remember to say it with love and if appropriate, a thank you for thinking of me!

Namaste’

"I make sh** that folds!"

While in conversation with a client today she said this profound statement to me in regards to her lack of enthusiasm over her career:  “I make sh** that folds!” What a perfect title for an article about not living in our passion.   Of course, I laughed!  But, the context of this statement was centered around the fact that she is a professional graphic artist and is in a career that holds no passion for her.  She chose graphic art school because she is a talented artist, but to make money in the field she followed the path of designing brochures and pamphlets for companies.  This was ok for awhile but several years into it, she felt bored, non-stimulated and work became tedious.

What really spoke to her was the medical profession.  She longed for a career in nursing.  She spoke on and on to me about how she would feel “caring for others”.  Those 3 words were spoken over and over again.  I don’t think she even realized how many times she said it.  What felt good on her lips and in her heart was “caring for others”.  My client has 2 wonderful young children, a husband and a very busy life, but she understood the importance of enjoying her working and living her passion so she decided to go for it!  She worked very hard to get her prerequisite courses finished and has just applied to the nursing school at ASU.

I could feel the peace and excitement all around her today.  I could see how beautifully this was all falling into place and how soon, she would be working in a career that spoke passionately to her.  I loved hearing her story and I know she will be one awesome RN!  When we choose a career centered around something that moves us, work can seem like play!

Is there something in your life that speaks passionately to you?  Is there something that seems to be calling your name?  Are you willing to at least explore this area?  Are you willing to take it just one little step further and investigate this passion that is calling to you?  You have all the power within to change your world!  Is it time?

Go explore!