What Underlying Belief is Holding You Back?

Each and every one of us have underlying beliefs about ourselves that serve as huge roadblocks in manifesting a wonderful, fulfilling life.  Way deep inside we have attached onto a belief or judgment (about self) and have projected that belief into the outside world about who we are and how people will perceive us.  Somewhere inside we feel unworthy or undeserving of good things in our lives and we sabotage ourselves by keeping this fear deeply hidden. The problem here is that it is our belief, not the world’s belief.  We have created this roadblock ourselves.  In moving forward in life with purpose and power, we must be willing to take a good, long, deep look at what it is that is stopping us.  We must be open to uncovering the sneaky little belief that is creating fear in us and that is keeping us frozen in place and stealing our joy. 

Recently, I have consulted with several people who have been holding themselves back from living their greatness by holding onto certain beliefs.  Examples of this are:

I have been divorced twice.  I am tainted and no one will want me.

I am overweight and I won’t be taken seriously.

I am not good enough for the area of town I live in.

I am weak because I have to use a blind cane.

I should have been married with children by now.

Each one of these people is amazing with excellent work ethic, integrity and morals.  However, they are holding themselves back through a belief that they have formulated in their own minds and have made into their own Law of Society.  In all three of these scenarios, what they were projecting was just not true.  Period.

When we unconsciously attach onto a belief, it is sometimes hard to recognize.  We are not quite sure what is holding us back.  We only know that we feel stuck and we are unhappy.  By paying close attention to your emotions and anxiety levels, you can identify what is causing your lower emotion and bring this belief up into the light where you can examine it, question it and eventually move past it.  This takes diligence on your part.  By really wanting peace and happiness, we must be willing to do the work required to move ourselves forward.  Once discovering the belief, change your thought into the exact opposite of the original belief.  For example:  My weight does not determine my self worth.  I am strong because I am using my blind cane.  By repeating the mantra in moments of distress, you CAN and WILL move past your block.  Awareness is the key to emotional healing.  In this, I wish you much awareness on your journey!

Many blessings!  Kristen Brown

Love Yourself in Order to Receive Love

What is the one thing that everyone on this planet craves…?  Love!  So often people search outside themselves for this love and end up still feeling empty and alone.  Until we can truly, unconditionally love ourselves, we paradoxically, will serve as a block to allowing love in.  We are actually standing in our own way of receiving the love we so desperately crave.  On some level we feel undeserving of such love and that makes it hard to recognize once it presents itself.  In this, I am not necessarily speaking of romantic love.  I am speaking of the gentle words, loving deeds and acts of kindness from others that we may be overlooking daily because deep inside we are loathing self.  We unconsciously cannot see our own beauty and wonder so we honestly don’t believe that anyone else can.

Have you ever received a compliment and thought (or even said out loud), “Nah, they don’t really mean that. There must be a hidden motive behind their words.”?  The shadow behind those thoughts is this: somewhere inside you don’t truly believe that you are worthy of such praise (love).  So you continue to block the love that is coming to you and your quest for love only perpetuates.  No matter what anyone says to you, you still cannot accept the love and are left feeling forever empty.  How does one move past this endless cycle of pain you wonder?

First, we must become highly aware of our self-talk.  The dialogue we have with ourselves can make or break our day and our self-esteem.  Anything that is other than kind and gentle we must toss out!  It’s perfectly fine (and encouraged) to recognize a mistake, but to dwell in it only perpetuates a negative feeling about self.  Allow yourself to be human and fallible.  Forgive yourself for your mistakes easily and give yourself the grace that God/Spirit/Source gives to us every day, all day.  Begin your day recognizing something kind, gentle or loving that you did and honor yourself for the love that you are.  Be willing to literally pat yourself on the back or speak a “Yay me!” when you complete a task or do something nice.  This may sound trite or just too easy because... it is that easy!  However, it does take a committed effort to dig yourself out of this cycle.  No one can do this for you. You can choose to be your own worst enemy or your very best friend.

None of us are an accident.  We are all here on purpose and each one of us holds valuable gifts to share with this world.  This is undisputable. No one person is more deserving than another. We are all derived from the same essence of love (God) and have built in specialties that set us apart from others. Look inside (and continue this always) for the beauty of you.  When you finally love and cherish the wonder of you, you will be open to the bounty of love that has always been there.  You will begin to resonate at a higher energy level and additionally, you will begin to attract even more love into your life!

With love,

Kristen Brown

www.sweetempowerment.com

The Six Stages of Recognizing You Are With an Addict

For those of you who may be questioning if your loved one has an addiction problem, I invite you to read what I refer to as: The Six Stages of Recognizing You are With an Addict. 

Being involved with an addict can be the most tumultuous and misunderstood situation we can go through.  I know because I have been there.  An addict will do most anything to uphold his/her addiction.  The addiction becomes first and foremost in that person’s life and all else will suffer because of it.  It is a very difficult position to be in being we can hardly understand what is happening.  The wonderful person that we met and fell in love with flipped almost overnight and we are left holding the remnants of how the relationship used to be and what we know is inevitably the end of that dream.

Usually when I write articles I am so inspired and uplifted.  However, writing this one initially left me feeling a little sad knowing that my brothers and sisters who will be reading this are on a strenuous roller coaster ride that seems to have no end.   But soon enough that sadness switched to compassion, because the truth is, there are answers to this situation and you can overcome this difficulty.  You can and will come out of this relationship healed and whole but the very first step is to recognize that you are indeed with an addict and then forge a positive forward movement from there.

The Six Stages of Recognizing You Are With An Addict:

1. Innocence-  We are innocent to what is happening at this point.  There are some signs and small red flags, but our innocence of the dynamics of addictions keeps us in the dark and not aware of what really is going on.
2. Blame-  We are starting to see a problem and we begin to dialogue with our loved one.  They may deny the problem or even blame us for their addiction of choice by saying things like:  If you didn’t stress me out so much I wouldn’t have to drink, smoke dope etc.  We naively start to believe on some level that we are a part of the problem or the cause of the problem.  This is simply not true.  It is not our fault.
3. Eyes Opening-  Even after several conversations around the subject we continue to see a pattern of behavior or we notice our loved one attempting to now hide.  The pattern is indeed there and our eyes are starting to open.  We think:  Oh no…  This IS what I thought it is.  He/she does have a problem that they are not admitting or wanting to overcome.  I see this clearly now. 
4. Searching-  This is the stage where we “think” we can help.  We begin searching for a solution to move this person past his/her addiction.  We are sure there is a better way or a cure for the problem.  We stop at nothing and do our best to find the solution.  But the truth is, until the person wants to get clean, there is nothing we can do.
5. Acceptance-  At this  point we have settled into the fact that there really is nothing we can do.  We’ve done everything we possibly could.  We’ve tried our very best to move our loved one out of their destructive pattern of living.  Nothing has worked.  This is a good time to understand the three C’s of Al-Anon.  *I cannot control this *I did not create this *I cannot cure this.  It is a sad time knowing that this is completely out of our hands, but at this stage, we have accepted the status quo.
6. Decision- It is time now for us to make a decision as to what we are going to do.  Do I stay in this?  Do I take my leave?  Who am I going to be in the relationship- an enabler or a courageous person?  What is best for me?  Most often when we get to this point, we have given up the “dream” of life with our loved one in it and we are in the position to move forward.  Although it is scary this is usually the best thing to do.  The addict most often has to hit his/her bottom before getting help and your leaving could be that bottom for them.  But we must make this healthy decision based solely on what is good for us, not in attempt to manipulate the addict.  Remember, we have no control over them.  Zero.

By attending many Al-Anon (relatives and family of addicts support group) I discovered that there are some things that we just cannot control and that is the behavior of an addict.  Yes, he/she will throw you under the bus.  Yes, he/she will lie repeatedly to you.  Yes, you are not a priority.  Yes, you are powerless over their addiction.   This does not mean, however, that you are powerless over your own life.  It means this is the time to take your power back and work on strengthening yourself.  The dream of a life with them may be over for now, but that does not mean you cannot build and support a whole new dream!

Many blessings and much light to you,   Kristen Brown

How to Handle a Tough Day

A Tough Day

Everything is going alright then all at once, Bam!  We feel sad, down or depressed,  perhaps even disappointed or angry.  These feelings are incredibly uncomfortable and we squirm in our seats trying to get them off of us!  But they are lingering… sticking… and it feels so gross.  What to do? How do we stop this downward spiral?

There is so much information about this topic out in the world today.  People will throw everything at us from take a pill- to you just need to get out more- to you’re just being a baby! What I will say is if we are truly honest with ourselves, we all have these moments on some level or another.  The good news is, there are things we can do to move through them with grace and come out the other side smiling again.

1. Vent it out-  Share your feelings.  Dig deep into your inner being and uncover the thought or belief that is initiating these unwanted emotions.  There is always a thought behind any emotion.  Always…  Be willing to dig that sucker up, look at it and feel it fully for what it is.  And then be willing to release it.  You have now released the pressure building inside, become aware of the troubling thought or belief and since you’ve uncapped the blinding, overpowering emotion of it, you are better able to turn the thought around and find your way back to productivity again.
2. Cry-  Crying is a natural pressure release valve that we are beautifully designed with.  Who doesn’t feel better after a good cry?  The hormones released during a good cry serve us perfectly.  Don’t be afraid of what others will think,  let ‘er rip!  Again, this is a great way to clear out the building pressure so you may see the situation, thought or belief clearly and plan a forward movement whether it be merely a change in perception around a situation or an actual action plan.
3. Be gentle with yourself-  No matter what topic I am writing about or speaking about, I always mention this.  Being gentle with ourselves is most imperative in moving forward in our lives with a healthy self-esteem.  And a healthy self-esteem helps us to make better decisions and plan clearly for our futures!  Allow yourself the “off” day.  They happen.  Sometimes we can stop them and sometimes we can’t.  You are human and you are in process.  It’s ok to have a step back while on your path forward.  To judge yourself, is only to put negativity where you are growing.
4. Don’t overdue it-  Allow yourself this time to express, but do not stay stuck in it.  Staying stuck in anything for too long is to become stale and worn.  We will become stagnant and our negativity will usually progress!  This is where our courage comes in and it’s the time for a little self-talk,  “Ok, I had a very bad moment, but now I am putting a smile on my face and jumping right back into the game!  I will succeed!  I got this!  I am strong and I will persevere.”
5. Be grateful- No matter what, we all have something to be grateful for.  In low moments, grasping hold of those wonderful things in our lives lifts us up!  It shows us that all is not lost.  This might not be where I’d like to be, but for now, I have this and this and this!  Celebrate the wonders your life does have and remember, when we focus on the positive in our life, our energy shifts and we attract more positive to us.

In conclusion, allow yourself an “off” day but do the work it takes to move through it.  You are ok.  You are human and you will get through this but you are the only person who can make this happen!  Many Blessings Always!  Kristen Brown

All it Takes is a Little Courage

I have come to know and understand the importance of courage better than ever before in my life. In my experience, courage ranks up there with faith and love. Although there are many levels of fear, this article centers around the fear of change or the fear of stepping into one's true potential and greatness. So often in life we hold ourselves back from living our true authenticity because we are afraid of what someone else will think about us or if we will be received well. I ask you this: If you knew that your authentic self was a gift to the world, would you go ahead and step up? Without an answer, I can know that you probably would!

After overcoming a dramatic life event, I discovered fear ruling my life. My self-esteem was in the toilet and my hopes and dreams were blown apart. Everywhere I turned there was some fear blocking my path! It was through my desire to get back on top and find my joy again that my courage emerged. Even when we are in our darkest hours, we still have that light burning inside. I took what little bit of light I still had and I kept feeding it until it grew larger and larger. Eventually I found the courage to take steps forward toward a better future. I began joining groups and taking part in outings that I would have shied away from due to my low self-esteem. I had daily, sometimes hourly, conversations with myself to encourage this movement. I treated myself gently and I said positive affirmations over and over again even if at the time I didn't even believe my own words! Miraculously, my life slowly, but SURELY, shifted, moved, twisted, turned and changed! My new life began to emerge like a phoenix from the ashes. It seemed the more courage I had, the more movement I initiated and the more movement I initiated the more courage I had! It was a win-win situation. Peace began to descend over me and I began to find my true joy once again.

Friends, life is not over when something big takes us down for awhile. Although we may get banged up a bit, our true beauty and essence is still there! The light inside can never be extinguished. It takes just a little bit of courage to get back up and once you are up, claim the magnificence that you are and continue your path forward! You have everything you need to manifest a beautiful life. All it takes is a little courage.

Kristen Brown is a transformational and spiritual life coach and author who has overcome and experienced many of life's unwanted situations. To work with Kristen is exhilarating and inspiring. Her ability to hold neutral space while helping one work through his/her fears and blocks is remarkable.