Love Yourself in Order to Receive Love

What is the one thing that everyone on this planet craves…?  Love!  So often people search outside themselves for this love and end up still feeling empty and alone.  Until we can truly, unconditionally love ourselves, we paradoxically, will serve as a block to allowing love in.  We are actually standing in our own way of receiving the love we so desperately crave.  On some level we feel undeserving of such love and that makes it hard to recognize once it presents itself.  In this, I am not necessarily speaking of romantic love.  I am speaking of the gentle words, loving deeds and acts of kindness from others that we may be overlooking daily because deep inside we are loathing self.  We unconsciously cannot see our own beauty and wonder so we honestly don’t believe that anyone else can.

Have you ever received a compliment and thought (or even said out loud), “Nah, they don’t really mean that. There must be a hidden motive behind their words.”?  The shadow behind those thoughts is this: somewhere inside you don’t truly believe that you are worthy of such praise (love).  So you continue to block the love that is coming to you and your quest for love only perpetuates.  No matter what anyone says to you, you still cannot accept the love and are left feeling forever empty.  How does one move past this endless cycle of pain you wonder?

First, we must become highly aware of our self-talk.  The dialogue we have with ourselves can make or break our day and our self-esteem.  Anything that is other than kind and gentle we must toss out!  It’s perfectly fine (and encouraged) to recognize a mistake, but to dwell in it only perpetuates a negative feeling about self.  Allow yourself to be human and fallible.  Forgive yourself for your mistakes easily and give yourself the grace that God/Spirit/Source gives to us every day, all day.  Begin your day recognizing something kind, gentle or loving that you did and honor yourself for the love that you are.  Be willing to literally pat yourself on the back or speak a “Yay me!” when you complete a task or do something nice.  This may sound trite or just too easy because... it is that easy!  However, it does take a committed effort to dig yourself out of this cycle.  No one can do this for you. You can choose to be your own worst enemy or your very best friend.

None of us are an accident.  We are all here on purpose and each one of us holds valuable gifts to share with this world.  This is undisputable. No one person is more deserving than another. We are all derived from the same essence of love (God) and have built in specialties that set us apart from others. Look inside (and continue this always) for the beauty of you.  When you finally love and cherish the wonder of you, you will be open to the bounty of love that has always been there.  You will begin to resonate at a higher energy level and additionally, you will begin to attract even more love into your life!

With love,

Kristen Brown

www.sweetempowerment.com

The Six Stages of Recognizing You Are With an Addict

For those of you who may be questioning if your loved one has an addiction problem, I invite you to read what I refer to as: The Six Stages of Recognizing You are With an Addict. 

Being involved with an addict can be the most tumultuous and misunderstood situation we can go through.  I know because I have been there.  An addict will do most anything to uphold his/her addiction.  The addiction becomes first and foremost in that person’s life and all else will suffer because of it.  It is a very difficult position to be in being we can hardly understand what is happening.  The wonderful person that we met and fell in love with flipped almost overnight and we are left holding the remnants of how the relationship used to be and what we know is inevitably the end of that dream.

Usually when I write articles I am so inspired and uplifted.  However, writing this one initially left me feeling a little sad knowing that my brothers and sisters who will be reading this are on a strenuous roller coaster ride that seems to have no end.   But soon enough that sadness switched to compassion, because the truth is, there are answers to this situation and you can overcome this difficulty.  You can and will come out of this relationship healed and whole but the very first step is to recognize that you are indeed with an addict and then forge a positive forward movement from there.

The Six Stages of Recognizing You Are With An Addict:

1. Innocence-  We are innocent to what is happening at this point.  There are some signs and small red flags, but our innocence of the dynamics of addictions keeps us in the dark and not aware of what really is going on.
2. Blame-  We are starting to see a problem and we begin to dialogue with our loved one.  They may deny the problem or even blame us for their addiction of choice by saying things like:  If you didn’t stress me out so much I wouldn’t have to drink, smoke dope etc.  We naively start to believe on some level that we are a part of the problem or the cause of the problem.  This is simply not true.  It is not our fault.
3. Eyes Opening-  Even after several conversations around the subject we continue to see a pattern of behavior or we notice our loved one attempting to now hide.  The pattern is indeed there and our eyes are starting to open.  We think:  Oh no…  This IS what I thought it is.  He/she does have a problem that they are not admitting or wanting to overcome.  I see this clearly now. 
4. Searching-  This is the stage where we “think” we can help.  We begin searching for a solution to move this person past his/her addiction.  We are sure there is a better way or a cure for the problem.  We stop at nothing and do our best to find the solution.  But the truth is, until the person wants to get clean, there is nothing we can do.
5. Acceptance-  At this  point we have settled into the fact that there really is nothing we can do.  We’ve done everything we possibly could.  We’ve tried our very best to move our loved one out of their destructive pattern of living.  Nothing has worked.  This is a good time to understand the three C’s of Al-Anon.  *I cannot control this *I did not create this *I cannot cure this.  It is a sad time knowing that this is completely out of our hands, but at this stage, we have accepted the status quo.
6. Decision- It is time now for us to make a decision as to what we are going to do.  Do I stay in this?  Do I take my leave?  Who am I going to be in the relationship- an enabler or a courageous person?  What is best for me?  Most often when we get to this point, we have given up the “dream” of life with our loved one in it and we are in the position to move forward.  Although it is scary this is usually the best thing to do.  The addict most often has to hit his/her bottom before getting help and your leaving could be that bottom for them.  But we must make this healthy decision based solely on what is good for us, not in attempt to manipulate the addict.  Remember, we have no control over them.  Zero.

By attending many Al-Anon (relatives and family of addicts support group) I discovered that there are some things that we just cannot control and that is the behavior of an addict.  Yes, he/she will throw you under the bus.  Yes, he/she will lie repeatedly to you.  Yes, you are not a priority.  Yes, you are powerless over their addiction.   This does not mean, however, that you are powerless over your own life.  It means this is the time to take your power back and work on strengthening yourself.  The dream of a life with them may be over for now, but that does not mean you cannot build and support a whole new dream!

Many blessings and much light to you,   Kristen Brown

The Universe Working Behind the Scenes

"Everything in Divine timing" I always say.  When one keeps to his goals it will soon be apparent he is on track by the synchronicities that start appearing.  People and situations will begin to show up in your life to support you and your desires.  The trouble is, sometimes we don't know what they are until later.  Lately I have been doing some things in my life that I felt called to do.  Both things were way outside my comfort zone!  However, the calling was so strong I did it, fear and all!  It was so uncomfortable for me to step so far outside my comfort zone that afterwards I would be thinking:  "Why am I doing this!  This is so uncomfortable for me!"  But a voice inside always said to me,  "You will know soon enough.  Keep on keepin on!"  So I did and still do.  Both areas have to do with public speaking.  An area in my life that was historically the worst possible thing for me to do!  I truly cannot express how scary it was for me.  I avoided public speaking classes in college like it was the black plague and forget about even giving a toast at a friend's birthday.  I would have rather cleaned port-a-johns than public speak. No joke.
     However, with all that being said, I just KNEW that these opportunities were coming my way for a reason.  I knew someday I'd understand why these opportunities kept appearing in my life.  Of course, my ego would pull it's typical tricks and try to keep my fear high and talk me out of it.  But with all my studies on the ego, I was hip to it's tricks and I made a conscious decision to not let it win.  I realized how much the ego had sabotaged me in the past and knew that I had to actually go through with these things in order to strengthen myself and keep moving forward towards my desires!  I have since joined a public speaking group and have been on a local morning television show 4 times.
     Currently, I am working on my first book.  Last weekend I attended a Writer's Workshop hosted by Mishka Productions here in Phoenix, Arizona.  It was one of the most amazing weekends of my life.  Not only did I learn so much, there were sychronicities all over the place!  Way too many to count.  I just knew beyond a doubt that I was in the right place. 
     During one of the lectures, the editors were talking about platforming.  And building one's platform involves a lot of public speaking.  A-HA!!  There it is!  The whole reason why these public speaking situations kept presenting themselves to me.  I needed practice.  I needed to learn a new skill. The universe was setting me up, grooming me for what inevitably will come up later in my journey.  My goal/desire is to write a book, but what comes with being an author is public speaking.  So there it is.
      My intention in writing this article is to encourage all of you to listen to your inner voice.  Be willing to step outside your comfort zone.  When you know you should be doing something, do it!  The universe is always working behind the scenes on your behalf.  Sometimes we may not know the 'why' of it, but have faith.  There is a reason...
Peace,  Kristen Brown

My TV Segment- Feb. 14, 2011

      Once again I had the honor of speaking on a morning television show here in Phoenix, AZ.  Being that many of us wish to enhance our lives with a romantic partner but are struggling to find one, I wrote my segment on how to attract the perfect mate for you.  It's important to always remember though, that YOU are your first love and a loving partner is only a bonus.  :)   
     May you find the love of your life if you haven't already.  Peace, KB



http://www.abc15.com/dpp/lifestyle/sonoran_living/attract-the-love-of-your-life

My TV Segment- Dec. 29th 2010

http://www.abc15.com/dpp/lifestyle/wellness/get-empowered-in-2011

NEW YEAR'S INTENTIONS WITH A TWIST!
(Outline of Sonoran Living Segment 2)
It's that time again to choose our New Year's resolutions and intentions! How about a resolution with a twist this year?  Most people choose the standard: lose weight, get organized, quit smoking, exercise, but how about working on the core of who you are? How about starting the change from within?
When we change the way we see/be in the world, everything changes around us for the better! So with that, let's start our New Year with personal empowerment.  When we generally feel better about who we are inside and how we show up in the world, our anxiety decreases, we think clearer, we are more positive and happier!  Working on the "inside" directly manifests change on the "outside".

1. Fill your world with positive people - There are so many wonderful people in this world to keep company with. It has been said we are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. Surround yourself with people who empower and support you!

2. Ask questions - No more assumptions. Remove the fear of asking questions. Our assumptions are only our perception of reality. They are interpretations of words and behaviors and oftentimes they are incorrect. When in doubt, ask! Say good-bye to unwanted drama.

3. Love yourself - Embrace and love all parts of you! Outside compliments only pass through us. Self love makes a home and stays. When we love ourselves fully, we take better care of ourselves and we make better choices!

4. Fully express your authentic self - No more holding back! Celebrate WHO you are! Dance and sing if you desire! Wear clothing that expresses your personality! Embrace all aspects of your self expression and be willing to show the world the authentic, unique and wonderful you!

5. Set healthy boundaries - Know inside what is good for you and what is not. Be willing to say "no" when necessary without guilt. It's about teaching people what works for us and what doesn't. Be willing to show other the best way to love you!

6. Share your love - We all have an abundance of love to give, but many of us hold back out of fear of being hurt. Be willing to be a light in the world! Express your love to others. It may be a smile, a hug, a gentle word… Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Share what you have! Give the gift of your love! What we give freely we get back two-fold!

Wishing you all a life of joy and abundance for 2011!
KB