The Quest for Self

"In the end, I've come to believe in something I call the physics of the quest. A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of quest physics goes something like this:
If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter old resentments and set out on a Truth seeking journey either external or internal and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet a long the way as a teacher and you are prepared most of all to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the Truth will not be withheld from you." Elizabeth Gilbert

When I heard this, I was in awe... I have been pondering a way to describe "my growth year" to the people in my life and when I heard this, I stopped immediately to write it down. It was one of those precise moments that I no longer doubt that God is speaking directly to me and sending me a message or answering a question.

When one is in ruin is most often the time that enlightenment happens. It took my entire world, ALL that I knew and could hold onto for safety to vanish in one fell swoop to bring me to my knees where I was humbled enough to get quiet and listen. What I heard and learned from all the teachers in my life was fascinating. All the realities about myself were revealed and healed. My belief systems morphed and transformed and my peace came rushing in like I never had before even while I had the physical world to hold on to and claim as safety.

Life begins, truly begins, when we learn Who we are. We heal our resentments, we release the chains of negativity and beliefs and we open our arms wide and keep them open to receive the love and grace that the universe (God) has for us.

Blessings to all who choose to begin this journey. It doesn't have to take being brought down to your knees to begin. Just merely 'being willing' to begin is the first step. ~KB~

Love Yourself First! (The rest is just a bonus)

Just when we think we have tried it all.  Just when we think this relationship is not going to change.  This person is not going to change.  There is hope.  Not only hope, but a sure way to transform your relationship into a place of peace in whatever that would look like for you.

I lived a good majority of my life looking at everyone else that irritated me or wasn’t showing up as I believed they should, as their fault.  Then I had the epiphany of a lifetime.  I was not showing up for me!  I was actually irritating myself!  Whoa!  What does that mean?  It means that we are a sure projection of self onto others at all times.  Not some of the time but all of the time.  However we feel about self or treat self is exactly how others feel/treat us.  When we can truly show up in a situation in the voice and behavior of pure love of self, do we get treated the way we deserve.

I’m here to tell you this is not something we have done consciously.  In fact this is an unconscious behavior and occasionally a deeply unconscious behavior.  Underlying everything, we have either a self love or a self loathing.

Here I was a fun, laughing, loyal person and friend but it seemed I was surrounded by people of lesser character.  Boo hoo, poor me.  Why me?  Why do I get all the crappy people?  This was my story.  After a whopper of a life shift happened, I got it!  Through my own coaching sessions and spiritual awareness, it hit me.  I didn’t love myself.  I didn’t believe (unconsciously) that I was deserving of this.  Huh?  Believe me, I was as fascinated as you might be right now.  I thought I did love myself… nope.  I was merely disguising that behind my playful, fun exterior.  What was truly going on was me trying to gain acceptance by being “that fun girl” all of the time.

I went inside…  I went deep inside my self and started doing the work.  I cringed at times.  I cried, I got angry.  But I got through it and came out of the ashes like the Phoenix rising.  Stronger, centered and more loving than ever before.  I no longer attract people into my life who don’t treat me with love and respect.  And if I do, they either don’t stick around long or they transform into a higher behavior.  I realized for the first time in my life…  I NEED ME…  I LOVE ME…  Everyone else in my life is a bonus!  And some amazing bonus’s I have!

Everyday, I stand in gratitude for finding myself.  Treating myself with loving kindness and honoring my beauty and integrity.

With all of this being said, the thesis statement is:  When we love ourselves first, when we connect with Who (the God inside us all) we are, we no longer “allow” people to treat us poorly.  But until we do this, we will continue on the hamster wheel of attracting lesser character to our lives.

Peace to you brothers and sisters.  Every journey starts with one step.  May you be courageous enough to take yours.  Namaste’