Projection Part 2: Are You a Projector?

     The flip side of being the recipient of projection is being the projector!  This is when we subconsciously project onto others our guilt feelings.  If you discover this about yourself, rejoice!  I know that sounds funny, but you have just opened up a whole new space of awareness and healing for yourself!  Discovering areas that need improvement is a good thing!  Isn’t it true that you want to show up in the world the best way you can?  Well, this is how.

         So with that being said, if you find yourself projecting your own attributes, thoughts or emotions onto someone else, good for you!  You have just opened up a brand new door into self-discovery.  Now is the time to get real and honest with self and allow yourself to morph into the person you truly want to be.

         For instance, if you are calling someone else “selfish”, stop for a moment and ponder, “Am I selfish?”  Is this my own guilt throwing this onto someone else?  Now, let’s say you answer yes.  Bravo!  I commend you for your personal honesty!  At this point you decide:  Is this how I want to be?  How can I attract people who aren’t selfish into my life if I am?  Do I like selfish people?  How am I going to change this?

         You have just started yourself on a beautiful path of enlightenment and growth!  We are all human.  We all have our wonderful traits as well as our shortcomings.  It’s ok, to not be perfect.  It’s ok to be human, but it’s even better to want to show up in the world as the best  person we can be at any given moment. 

         Namaste’ 

        

Projection Part 1: When Someone Projects Onto You

Psychological projection or projection bias is a psychological defense mechanism where a person unconsciously denies his or her own attributes, thoughts, and emotions, which are then ascribed to the outside world, such as to other people. Thus, projection involves imagining or projecting the belief that others have those feelings.

             We hear this phrasing used so often these days.  Projection this and projection that.  The truth is, it’s a very real defense mechanism that the subconscious mind uses in order to avoid its own shortcomings etc.  Have you ever been in a situation where someone calls you something that is so far off of who you are?  Do you just look at them and think, who are you talking about?

         Before I came to understand the full workings of projection, I use to believe what others were saying.  I would take it in and try to change something that was not even mine. Ironically, it wouldn’t work, because it wasn’t mine to begin with.  As time went on and my awareness and education expanded, I am now more capable of spotting this and I make a conscious effort to not “own” anything that is not mine.

         When I recognize someone projecting onto me, I stay as fully open as I can (because sometimes it could be my behavior) and as the words come up, I evaluate each statement and I only take accountability for what is mine.  I actually had this happen last night.  The person I was dealing with last night had so much personal guilt over a situation that she attempted to try to put that on me.  What she was feeling inside, she started blaming me for.  It’s difficult not to get upset when someone “sees” you so differently from who you are, but if you remember they are subconsciously doing it, maybe your approach and understanding of the situation will diffuse heavy emotion from creeping in and clouding up the situation.

         The key is to stay rational. Allow them to speak and then calmly say something like,  “That is not mine.  I believe you are speaking from your own place.  Please don’t attempt to put that on me.”  If you are dealing with a somewhat rational person, and you can remain calm, that will usually do the trick!  Because deep inside they know it’s not truly you, it’s them.

         This was something that took me awhile to get good at.  I’m by no means a master, but when I can come from a clear place of knowing and peace, I immediately recognize what is mine and what is not.  It takes strength and confidence to stand behind yourself and it takes peace and calm to diffuse a situation, allow the truth to surface and let the healing begin.   J

        

Assuming What Others are Thinking

         When we assume what others are thinking we are setting the stage for drama.  We interact with them based on what we think they think about us when we truly have no idea.  Would you be open to the idea that you really do not know what others are thinking?  Would you be willing to throw out the thoughts that are only assumptions in your mind?  Imagine how wonderful it would feel to not be attached to what you believe someone to be thinking about you!

         One day I found myself wondering why I feel uncomfortable around a certain group of people?  Why is it that I seem to shrink in the company of them?  I meditated on this and paid attention to my messages and I got my answer!  Because I had a belief in my head what I thought they were thinking.  I attached to that belief and my behavior reflected exactly that belief!  I had told myself stories of how they viewed me and I believed it!  Whoa!!  Big awareness for me!  So I dug even deeper…

Why do I think that this is what they think about me?  How did I come up with that conclusion in the first place?   Hmmmm…       Meditation and prayer later…  Because that is what I thought about me!  Let me say that again:  I was subconsciously judging myself and projecting it onto them.  So what I was beating myself up over, I believed the world to be judging me in the same way.  Wow…  Wow… and Wow! 

It wasn’t until I had someone do this to me-  Assume they knew how I felt or what I was thinking- that I realized I had been doing that as well to that certain group.  So I decided that a great forward movement would be to not assume the worst.  In fact, I did the opposite!  I chose to believe I was very loved and accepted by them and Bam!  everything changed!

Relationships are all about us and how we show up to them.  If you find yourself struggling with someone, take an honest moment to go within and ask yourself, “How can I view this situation with Love instead of Fear?”  And then watch in fascination as “your change/love” transforms the world around you!

Namaste’