As soon as my children were capable of understanding the difference between 2 whole and separate ideas, I started teaching them to make their own decisions. This started when they were around 5 years old. Example: Would you like 2 cookies or would you like a piece of pie? You can not have both. We would talk about the pros and cons of both ideas and then I would figuratively step back and allow them to process the decision for themselves. As their parent, when they do make their decision, we must be willing to hold the ground and not give in to them wanting the “other” choice if choice “A” did not work out. This teaches them that even if the first choice does not work out, they will be “rescued” with choice “B” anyway. And we all know that out in the real world, that does not happen.
As they got older and started to comprehend a deeper awareness I would encourage the children to get “quiet within” and to “feel” which decision would be the better one for them. I further explained to them that the best decisions I made were the ones where I followed my inner voice, my gut, my intuition- whatever one may call our divine guidance within. We all have had those instances where we said, “I knew I should have made the other choice!” That knowing is our divine guidance.
In doing this, many times they have said, “I know what I should do, but I really don’t want to do that!” Again, I stepped back to allow them to make the decision themselves. And 100% of the time, when they didn’t follow their intuition, they wished they had!
*When speaking of decisions, I am talking about the random, simple life decisions that come up for children. Ie. Whose party should I attend? Should I tell so-and-so what was said about them? I let them factor through the simpler things that come up for them. For the extremely important adult decisions, I, of course, would make those.
The point of this article is to encourage everyone to allow your children to blossom! Allow them to see what making one decision over another brings to them. Teach them to own their own life, their own decisions and behaviors. We, as parents, are in the job of raising children into high-functioning adults. Adults that know the repercussions of certain decisions and adults who will contemplate choices before going with the easiest or the most fun. Because sometimes the “right” decision may be the harder choice to make, but in the end it works out perfectly.
My 2 oldest children are now teenagers living the high school life. We all know how high school is an incredible emotional growth period for us. They still come to me regarding their decisions, but to watch them “feel” their way through the decision-making process is remarkable to watch. I’m definitely not here to say they are perfect (nor am I), but I wanted to share something that I practiced with my children and that has paid off immensely!
I invite every parent to refrain from rushing in to “save” the child thinking only we know what is best (except in serious situations, of course). Our children have their very own inner guidance system as we do and the best thing we can do is help them develop theirs. The best gift we can give our children is good life skills and healthy decision making is one of them! J
Happy Parenting!
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